T'was the night before Christmas
And all thru the house,
We all felt shitty,
Even the mouse.

Mom at the whorehouse
and Dad smoking grass,
I'd just settled down
for a nice piece of ass.

When out on the lawn
I heard such a clatter,
I sprung from my piece
to see what was the matter.

Then out on the lawn
I saw a big dick.
No doubt about it,
It must be Saint Nick.

He came down the chimney
like a bat out of hell.
I knew in a moment
The Fucker just fell.

He filled all our stockings
with pretzels and beer
and a big rubber cock
for my brother the queer.

He rose up the chimney
with a thunderous fart.
The son of a bitch
blew the chimney apart.

He swore and he cursed
as he rode out of sight,
"Piss on you all!
Have a hell of a night!"